It's time for government-provided....

Ed Morrissey is demanding a government-controlled single market for a professional service that too many people have inadequate access to, due to their inability to pay. And unlike that other hot topic for debate, this service is a Constitutionally-guaranteed right.

It's time for a single-payer legal system. You'd be amazed how well the arguments line up with the ones used in the health care debate.

Keeping perspective

Printed in its entirety is one of the entries from a past weekly politics summary from The Economist.

Britain complained to the United States that it was not consulted about a deal under which four men held at Guantánamo Bay were sent as refugees to Bermuda, a British territory. Hundreds of locals demonstrated against the decision to admit the men, all Uighurs from western China. The Uighurs went fishing.

The new cookbook

Found stashed on my computer, from around the time of the release of the 4th edition of Dungeons & Dragons, is this Wired article, discussing how gamers would react to a new edition of a cookbook.

Among my favorite comments is this one, from one of those people who demands total realism in their game:

I just have to laugh at the recipe for Beef Wellington. In Wellington's day, ovens didn't have temperature settings! And pate de foie gras certainly didn't come in cans. It's like the authors didn't even care about replicating authentic early 19th century cooking techniques!

New Magic: the Gathering expansion

MightyGodKing has the 2008 election described with Magic: the Gathering cards. They're funny, though of course they'd be funnier written from a conservative viewpoint. He's also taking reader submissions, to be posted Monday. So I've submitted some cards of my own.

(via alternatehistory.com, of all places)

Update: Part 2 is here, using some of my submissions.

No contest

This comment is so funny, it deserves to be spread around the blogosphere:

We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a b*tch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a b*tch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here?

(Via the Actuarial Outpost)

Another sign of spring

I had previously posted a humorous list of signs that spring is here.

Here's another, that's relevant for me at least: For the first time this year, an evil Canada goose hissed at me. That's definitely a hallmark of spring!

Sound familiar?

Over at the Actuarial Outpost, someone linked to a humorous post from Craigslist, entitled It's me! Every Girl Ever! The post parodies a vapid twenty-something woman just out of college.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all *****es.

One poster didn't appreciate the humor as much as the rest of us. Those who did appreciate the humor have branched out, working to extend the joke to several other categories of people here, here, and here. (The latter link was created in response to a demand of the offended poster.)

Unwinnable quagmire

Harvey at IMAO tells us the war is lost, and it's time to withdraw... from California.

After the all of endless days of the California fire quagmire, it's time for America to admit that it can't win this battle. We must immediately withdraw our forces and go home. But until our so-called "leaders" in Washington wise up to the folly of their current course, all we can do is ask ourselves, "why does fire hate us?".

The roots go deep.

Like a good progressive, Harvey examines the history, the root causes, and of course reminds us to first "Think of the children!"

The solution is clear:

I believe in co-existence. I think we can get along peaceably with fire if we just set our pride aside and give it some of what it wants.

After all, it's not called "the combustion of peace" for nothing.

Hilarious!

(via Instapundit)

In teh beginnin

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded the skiez An da Urf, but he no eated it.

2 The Urfs wus witout shapez An wus dark An scary An stufs, An he rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.

4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stufs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz cats can seez in teh dark An not tripz ovr nethin.

5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. Teh evning An morning was teh first day.

It started with funny cat pictures and funny quips in quasi-Leetspeak. Now, the lolcatz phenomenon has spread... to the Bible! For the first time, the Bible will be translated to lolcat speak.

Some people have to much time on their hands.

The lolcatz have even spread to the Actuarial Outpost, popping up frequently in the Mafia game forum.

Global Warming secrets revealed!

It's true! Al Gore is part of a sinister conspiracy. He knows what's really causing global warming, and he wants to make sure it continues.

The cause? Fireworks.

And don't you wonder why last year was so cold?

"Don't you realize what you are doing to me!" he gasped. "The 9 years your [fireworks] party was held are highly correlated to the planet's global warming. All it took was the one year you skipped your party for that trend to reverse. I've been able to squash the story in the mainstream press, but I can't do it forever. Why do you think there were hardly any hurricanes last year? I've been using my private jet to circle the globe burning tens of thousands of gallons of jet fuel, heating and cooling my huge mansions yet I can't seem to make up for those damn creamer bombs of yours!"

I was confused by what I heard so I asked "I don't understand. Global warming is reversing and somehow that's a bad thing?"

"You bet your pyro butt that's a bad thing! My book sales are hanging in the balance here buddy. You've got to have your party again. And this year, I'm expecting even more creamer bombs."

(Remember, kids, non-dairy creamer is flammable.)

Al Gore's new book

ZombieTime.com took a photo of Al Gore holding his new book. However, since the glossy book cover reflected the flash, he opened it up to readers to fill in the blank-appearing book. The resulting suggestions are quite funny, particularly the Civilization reference.

Impeach Governor Spitzer!

In case you didn't already know about Eliot Spitzer's history of questionable decision-making, with his self-promoting attacks on Wall Street and insurance companies, you must see this revelation from an article on the American Idol finalist, and champion of Vote for the Worst, Sanjaya:

"It was really weird because the governor of New York came up to me and said, `I'm a fan, I vote,'" he said.

Voting on American Idol? Being a fan of Sanjaya? Now, even the most ardent Democrat must admit that Spitzer is unfit to govern.

But American Idol also offers Governor Spitzer a shot at redemption. If he wants to show true leadership, he'll sue American Idol over its promotion of lower quality singers. The show bills itself as a talent competition, and to advance some lower-quality singers just because it makes for better television is surely false advertising, or some other offense a lawmaker can target.

New conspiracy theory!

Over at Websurdity, we have a hilarious take on those wacky conspiracy theorists. Check out the summary of the new book Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack.

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

And so on. The commenters have added many theories in a similar vein.