It's true! Al Gore is part of a sinister conspiracy. He knows what's really causing global warming, and he wants to make sure it continues.
The cause? Fireworks.
And don't you wonder why last year was so cold?
"Don't you realize what you are doing to me!" he gasped. "The 9 years your [fireworks] party was held are highly correlated to the planet's global warming. All it took was the one year you skipped your party for that trend to reverse. I've been able to squash the story in the mainstream press, but I can't do it forever. Why do you think there were hardly any hurricanes last year? I've been using my private jet to circle the globe burning tens of thousands of gallons of jet fuel, heating and cooling my huge mansions yet I can't seem to make up for those damn creamer bombs of yours!"
I was confused by what I heard so I asked "I don't understand. Global warming is reversing and somehow that's a bad thing?"
"You bet your pyro butt that's a bad thing! My book sales are hanging in the balance here buddy. You've got to have your party again. And this year, I'm expecting even more creamer bombs."
(Remember, kids, non-dairy creamer is flammable.)