Lawyers: you just can't escape them!
Following a large-scale battle in an ongoing Dungeons & Dragons campaign, one of the players posted the following:
Hello...my name is Denzel Valentine of Valentine & Valentine-Attorneys at Law.
Have you been injured during the recent "Defense of Tricaster?" If so, you may be entitled to compensation and reimbursement for your lost wages and pain & suffering at the hands of the Orc horde. Please contact our office...uh tent outside the walls of Southguard to discuss your rights.
We at Valentine & Valentine work hard to get our clients the wheatsheafs they deserve, just listen to this testimonial...
When my husband's flesh was torn from his body and fed to old wicked's minions at the battle of Admunfort, Valentine & Valentine not only got me compensation, but he also got me this strongly worded letter of apology from the Boneheart Cranzer. Thanks Valentine & Valentine!
But don't just take her word for it! We also do worker's compensation claims!
When I hurt myself delivering a message in Drowntown, I couldn't work for weeks and the messenger threatened to fire me. Valentine & Valentine not only helped me keep my job, they helped me get my TTD payments AND compensation from the bargeowner whose negligence caused my injury...Valentine & Valentine gets REAL results!
So come on in and see us at Valentine & Valentine...we're on YOUR side!
And a satisfied customer responded:
My name is Orestes Mark. I owned the Imperial Mark Casino and Bar in Tricaster - or at least I did when it was vandalized by the orc horde. I called Valentine and Valentine at 1-800 ILL-CON-U for help and they got me immediate relief AND found me a replacement cocktail waitress. Of course, she's a half-orc, but she's got a heart of gold. Now I can take care of my loved ones while Valentine and Valentine takes care of me!
Those lawyers... they just get involved in every little thing! Can't an adventurer take on a little risk now and then?
(From I.H. and V.V.)