The truth about turkeys

It may be two weeks after Thanksgiving, but it's never too late to reveal the truth. Thanks to Mr. Bear, we have a warning about the great turkey conspiracy that threatens us all!

I recently found out that every year, on Thanksgiving, the president, who ever it may be, from which ever party they may represent, pardons a single, solitary turkey. This horrifying event is covered by every media outlet as a bit of innocuous fanfare, but consider this. The presidency is a federal position, which means that turkey to be pardoned, and millions more like it, must have committed offenses on the federal level worth of execution. As far as I know, the only crime punished by death on the federal level is treason. Therefore, it stands to reason that each year millions of turkeys commit acts of high treason against the United States. Yes, these foul fowl creatures endanger the lives of countless millions in unknown ways. But it doesn’t end there.

Look at the media. They gloss over these millions of traitorous acts without a single peep. Searching news articles, I couldn’t find a single report on a treasonous turkey. NOT ONE! This can only mean one thing... the turkeys control the media! The very act of presidents pardoning that single turkey each year shows that the turkeys also control our presidents! Yes, loyal readers, we are living under the T.O.G. Turkey Occupied Government!!!