The Dear Abby test

A few months ago, the book Manning Up by Kay Hymowitz made the discussion circles of the Internet. The book bemoaned the perpetual adolescence of adult men who watch Adam Sandler movies and play video games. I find myself asking, who cares? My honest and sincere hope for anyone, man or woman, is that you do something you enjoy in your free time.

The second consideration is for relationships for men are happy staying in this state. A single man or woman can get an education, start a career, buy a house, and save for retirement. One thing they can't do unilaterally is marry.

A relationship requires compromise. I would expect a guy who likes video games to play a lot less once married, and even more so once a father. But I don't think it's fair to think one should stop playing games (or sports, or whatever avocation you enjoy) entirely. And the same goes for a gal's shopping trips and girls' nights out.

I came up with what I call the "Dear Abby Test" to determine what level of restriction might be fair. Imagine what you demand of your husband were described in a letter to the famed advice columnist, but written from the perspective of demands on a woman from her husband or boyfriend. If you think Dear Abby would respond "Your husband is abusive and controlling. Get out.", that's a sign that you may have gone beyond the normal compromise appropriate to a relationship.